There I was and still am.

I might not be there,

but my heart is,

though am hurt,

there's never a moment that I forget about all of you,

We've been apart since I was little,

and now,

my nightmare is happening in daylight,

am seperated again,

with You and yOu and yes yoU too. 

my years have never been the same,

since I departed,

it's empty,

though i find happiness sometimes,

through my pain,

it's never satisfying. 

Sad thing isn't it?

We are all ego,

I have my ego,

you have it too,

but I don't blame all of you,

It's my fault,

I left; on my own will.

but I left because,

I was hurt,

I might be smiling,

I might be laughing,

I might be cheering people

from their misery,

but,

deep down, inside,

am dying;

am never able to smile, laugh and cheer myself.

I want to redeem myself,

I want to prove to you,

I will be the "me" that you wanted me to be;

though I have no idea how ideal you want "me" to be. 

It has been 4 seasons twice,

coming to the third cycle now,

a few earthquakes,

some eclipses,

a few thunderstorms and

many millions seconds gone. 

All I want now is to be home,

where I feel home.

One to call mine.

and be loved and to love. 

and nothing else.