It was raining that day,really heavy but knowing the fact that my application for an overseas program was out; i swayed in the rain to the cyber cafe. I was panting nervously and soaked wet. I typed in my I/C number and the password, and hell it took about 2 minutes to load up. Eventually it popped out and the next second I knew I was jumping and shouting in the CC. Everyone look terrified and YES, I really looked like a maniac that time. I made the cut to the interview session.
And the letter bold in the word Secondary School -UK University, my dream country to pursue my tertiary education. The whole family and my auntie was proud, some were even in tears when they heard about the result *still, it was only an interview*. Some even promised to get me a whole collection of winter clothing, new laptop, and the list goes on with a lot of good shit in if I make it through the interview. let me tell you, my room was filled with UK related stuffs, the wall was stitched with maps, directory and pictures. As if it was already confirmed that I'm flying.
The day of the interview was promising, compared to other candidates, I stood up. I knew I stood up, I was powered by my dream. I gave the best I have in me. I left the interview venue with big hope and high faith.
3 months later, it all shattered into ashes. my world was dark, I really wanted that scholarship. I really burn my arse off and yet I didn't make it. As i waved good bye to my dream, I pursued my education in a local university. It was a year preparatory program majoring in TESL; it is the course to prepare student for B.Ed.TESL (Hons.) program.
my life was great! everything was perfectly fine. I had the greatest part of my life line up. After I completed my foundation program, the university offered me to continue my studies in B.Ed.TESL(Hons.). I was happy, most of my friends make it back to the same university. I only stayed for 3 weeks in the varsity when the same scholarship I applied a year ago*in which I failed the interview* offer came into the road. With financial constraint stopping me from progressing, I had to choose the scholarship in order to save my parents from going bankrupt. With a hopeful soul and support from some anonymous supporters saying that the teacher training college will provide me the ticket to England, I know that I had to make that ugly turn.
As I step my foot in the teacher training college, I felt that my whole life was riped away from me. I felt in prison and having to live a double life make me thinking that I have a bipolar syndrome! Everything has been sour and bitter all over. there's nothing good to say about this place.
It has shape me into a bad person; i curse more often, i changed my style , my language command is going from hero to zero, I am fucked up with most of my lecturers(I never hate my lectures before), falling in love with a guy who is eventually being eyed by other two guys in which led to the two guys having a rival against me (WTF!,,,if you want him so much, just take it, his not mine, you bloody hell!).
God, if you don't want to give me to go to UK.
I'm fine with it.
Just.....
Let me be happy.
I just want to be happy.
HAPPY.
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